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Farewell AKA My Final LJ Post

Oct. 21st, 2010 | 03:06 am
mood: accomplished accomplished

I have been a loyal Livejournal user since 2001. I came across the site right before my family and I left Houston for our journey to Knoxville, TN and decided it would be a fun way to exploit my life online (don't believe me, look at my archive. No really. Go look. I'll wait). Since I started I have posted a record of 2,322 entries, including this one. Some of them were random. Some of them were long. Some of them were very short. Even when I grew tired of posting in my Livejournal (and people ridiculed me for still having one) I continued to remain loyal to the LJ community and write about my inner-most thoughts. For the most part, it had been good to me. Sometimes, it got me in trouble. It has been there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to lend an ear...or even when I just wanted someone to celebrate with.

After 9 years of continuous journaling, I have finally decided to retire from the LJ community.

I have my reasons, so before you start flaming and trolling, hear me out.

First off, up until recently, Livejournal has been completely ad free. I have supported the site through facebook and advertising on my own freewill, and I feel like LJ has supported itself through account upgrades. As a future employee of the media variety, I understand the need to have advertising...I do. But it just kind of annoys me after having a 9 year journal that I have to sit through an ad in order to post. I figured at this point Livejournal would at least reward loyalty.

I wanted to keep the trend going, of course, and perhaps one day become "the girl who has the oldest running livejournal account ever." But I just don't see that happening.

Don't get me wrong, of course. Even though I'm complaining about the advertising first, that is not the biggest reason.

A majority of my posts were made between the years of 2001 and 2005. If you guys (that is, any loyal LJ friends still out there) can recall, those were my high school years. And as you may or may not know, high schoolers tend to go through a lot of hormonal changes, and feel 10 times the amount of emo that they should. And yes, even though I still fly off the handle and get that emo twinge every now and then (it happened a lot today. Don't you love insecurities?), I just don't feel like I (or others) can take myself seriously with THAT stabbing me in the back.

This is not me running from the past or trying to hide anything. I know where I've been, who I am and what I've done. I don't need a public journal to remind me.

Lastly, I think it's time I move up in the "blogging world." Everyone else under the sun has taken advantage of it, why haven't I? Bloggers even make money through advertising.

(WOAH WOAH WOAH WOAH. MEGAN. YOU HYPOCRITE. Why don't you just stop right there. Didn't you just say -

You know what, shut up. It's one thing if you start with advertising, it's another if you make your 9-year-old veterans sit through it after remaining faithful for so long. I stand by my opinion strong.)

...anyway, you understand what I'm saying. I have already started a blog (which can be found here.) about my on-going struggles against a local gym and their crooked ways. I plan on starting more blogs, including one where I review certain restaurants, games, tv programs, etc. and perhaps even another blog where I post personal thoughts, but with more of a well-written, philosophical standpoint than just me blabbing on like this.

Also, you can't change the name on your livejournal. I started this one up when I was still obsessed with Pokemon. Get it now? Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

So here is my final farewell to Livejournal. My thank you to the site that watched me grow. The site that carried me from three cities, saw my heart get broken more often than not, and was there to share stupid quiz results and retarded rp banter.

I wish you luck, Livejournal. It's been a fun ride. But now I am off to better blogging horizons and new beginnings.



The Meg-chan
Megan Clifton


Oct. 9th, 2010 | 09:42 pm
mood: happy happy

I've spent a lot of time lately reflecting on the stupidity and drama in my life and not enough time reflecting on the many things that are going absolutely wonderfully at the moment.

I have been blessed with a terrific school and a major that I love and will lead me to a job I'll love. I still have some of my Knoxville friends, but I have made so many good friends since I moved up here, it's been fantastic. Even though the cosplay commission business didn't work out, I managed to get a pretty good job...even if it's almost the exact same thing as Papa Johns, I enjoy Dominos a lot better, and the people there are great. My apartment isn't the best in the world, but it's a place to call my own and escape to. I love being able to finally go grocery shopping and COOK! I love living on campus and being able to walk to class (but usually ride the bus lol). Me and Andrew have only been dating now for about a week but so far things have been really great and I'm really happy with him. Everything is just going so well at the moment that I'm starting to wonder when it'll come crashing down.

But I can't think like that! This is a new start for me...a new me and an escape from my old life. I was stuck in a rut in Knoxville. I was stuck in a job I kind of liked, but really didn't need, stuck at a school that wasn't good for me, and stuck in a relationship that also wasn't good for me. By moving here I have set up myself for success in all aspects of my life and it's been wonderful!

Moving to MTSU was probably one of the best life choices I've ever made. =)

Valuable Life Lesson #463

Oct. 5th, 2010 | 04:32 pm
mood: blank blank

There are some things that you can enjoy doing. That you can make completely a hobby and do just for yourself. Not everything has to be turned into some money ordeal or try to be made into a career. You can't please everybody. Focus on yourself.

In the Moment

Sep. 26th, 2010 | 11:27 pm
mood: thoughtful thoughtful

People need to keep their nose out of other people's business...and if they can't do that, then they shouldn't be so quick to judge. But then I question whether or not I am a hypocrite by saying this by proxy? Does that make sense?

They demonize me for the wrongs I've done. Just because they wouldn't go about the situation the same way or they think they know how I feel.

The truth is, nobody knows what in on in me and Russell's relationship except for me and Russell. Nobody knows how I felt the entire time except for me...and yes, I told him. Several times. I'd tell him nearly once a week. "Russell...I love you...but I don't see this going anywhere. What's going to happen when I get out of college?" He told me I worried too much and that I needed to just focus on the now.

So I tried it. I worked hard. I went to school. I went to work. And I'd call him up again. "Russell...let's do something. Let's live in the moment. Let's go somewhere."

"No. I've got a raid tonight." Or "I don't really want to."

I get bored easily. I told him this. Some of the happiest moments I had with him were things we did that were out of the ordinary. Like when we had a slip n slide party. Or when we went to Gatlinburg. But those moments were few and far between...and most of the time involved his friends.

Before I knew it, I was growing unhappy. There was no "in the moment." And there was no "future." Anytime I suggested he go back to school or we move somewhere other than Knoxville, he'd get fidgety. "I like my life here." He told me. "Maybe one day I'll move, but for now, I like it here."

Not knowing something drives me crazy. There is no guarantee of the future. Why put it off?

I could never understand his mentality. He didn't want to go back to school cause he wanted to get out of debt first. He wanted to wait for these things. He acted as if he had all the time in the world.

I don't. And I know this. I can't be with someone who isn't taking control of their life and he KNEW this. The whole year and a half we were together, I told him that I needed someone who was going somewhere. Who had direction. He convinced me that all you needed in a partner was love and that nothing else mattered.

And I know from true experience that it DOES matter. Life is not a fairy-tale!

You think I'm immature? You think I need to grow up? Maybe you should stop judging everybody and look at your own God damned actions for once. And just because you think you do nothing wrong don't look at yourself as the patron saint of perfection and think it gives you permission to talk down to people.

I am NOT a bad person. I REFUSE to put up with as much bullshit as I have from those people. People I actually cared about at one point and thought were my friends. People I worked beside and would have given my left leg for. People like Hanna, Ellen, Dylan, Jenny, Keith. People who I thought were good people who apparently have nothing better to do than to berate someone who lives 200 miles away now.

And just so we have the entire story straight, I met Jeremy three years ago at about this time when I was dating Matt. Me, my old friend Jeff, co-worker from Portrait Innovations, Christina, and Jeremy all went to the haunted corn-maze. At the time, I still had feelings for Jeff from high school and wondered if anything would become of it. Instead of that happening though, Christina and Jeff got together and Jeremy ended up falling for me and I fell for him, but of course, I was with Matt, so I was too scared to break off that relationship because I thought it would go somewhere. I chose Matt over Jeremy and always regretted the choice I had made. Every once in a while I would think back to that and ask myself "why didn't I go out with him? He was a great guy and we're a lot alike."

Flash forward to last weekend at AWA, I'm single, and Jeff happens to mention it to Jeremy. So Jeremy hunts me down and we hang out for a good part of the weekend. I come to find out that he didn't hate me like I thought he did and that he actually still liked me. I figured it was too much a coincidence to not take the second chance I was given.

So here I am today with a great guy that yes, lives in Knoxville, but who has a direction in life and shares many of the same interests as me, and you know what? I'm happy. I'm really happy but these feelings of guilt that are being instilled in me by people who have nothing better to do than to make me feel bad. And maybe this is all too good to be true and it won't last and then you'll all be laughing. But who really would win in that scenario? Honestly?

I'm not the bad guy here. In fact, nobody is. I'm sorry that I hurt Russell. I hurt him throughout our relationship, more than you could possibly know. It's something I live with. But I'm not the bad guy. I'm not a bad person. I've just finally learned what it means to get caught up in the moment.

Dear you know who you are.

Jun. 25th, 2010 | 12:08 am

Thanks for ruining my night with my bf. You may be wondering...how? Because just sitting and dreading my day to come tomorrow is enough to put me in the foulest of moods. And yes, you are to blame. Not entirely, but of all the people I know at that dreadful place, you are defiantly the most despicable.

Yes, you. And what's funny is that you don't even have the guts to tell me my wrongs to my face. Instead you mock me and act as if I'm in the way. You think I'm stupid and haven't figured it out. Normally I would be offended, but this time I am laughing on the inside about how ignorant you are. You are retarded yet you've voted yourself the queen of your fat, ugly pedestal. Yes you reign supreme as queen of bitchdom. Congratulations.

Ya know, maybe if you didn't have your head so far up your ass, you would see that I am extremely capable of not only doing my job, but learning some new things. Of course, you're far too busy being queen bitch, so sorry to bother you, ill just stand in the corner and continue to twiddle my thumbs. It's okay...I'm getting paid for it.

Posted via LjBeetle


Jun. 20th, 2010 | 11:57 pm
mood: sleepy sleepy

At this point, it feels like my life is full of just...waiting. I'm at a stand-still, where everything is just stopped and I'm going through life's daily motions. I'm waiting for things to change and honestly, it's not very fun just waiting. I'm working hard, trying to prepare for this future I want so desperately. But my efforts are not rewarded very generously.

Still, I wait. I wait. And I wait.


May. 4th, 2010 | 10:36 am
mood: determined determined

Have you ever felt something so strongly?

Something that felt so right even though it was wrong?

Sometimes you just have a feeling that things will work out.

And you know you've been wrong before.

But you keep putting your heart on the line.

Because that's what you do, and that's what life is about.


You cry when there's just that ounce of doom looming over your shoulder.

And you rejoice at every moment you spend talking to them.

You look at a piece of paper...and read all about something, and think, that could be me one day.

Your heart swells with excitement and possibility.

A new school. A new job. A new major. New friends. New possibilities.

It's amazing, isn't it?

How life can turn around on you so quickly.

Everyone around you can try to bring you down.

But you stand tall.

And you tell yourself you're better than that.

But you don't just tell yourself, you know it.

You believe it.

And you live it.

With a smile on your face, your head held high, you carry on.


Grow Up

Feb. 25th, 2010 | 07:19 am
mood: excited excited

It's finally time for me to grow up!

I'm super excited. Don't know what that means? Well, trust me, you will. ^___^


Feb. 20th, 2010 | 01:58 pm
mood: angry angry

I feel so God damned uncomfortable today. It feels like all my clothes have been dipped in oil or something. I look at myself in the mirror and I honestly don't like who's staring back at me. I feel so unpretty and disgusting.

People really need to think about others before they make decisions. I mean, I'm not gonna go commit suicide or anything cause some asshole decided to go out with someone else and lie to me about it. But still. It's rather shitty. Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you. Didn't your mother ever teach you that? Guess not. What hurts the most is how untruthful he was. He could have just told me the truth and made everything SO much easier on me. But instead he decided to risk the wrath of karma. He didn't have the balls to do the right thing.

I give it two weeks. I'm also taking bets on him trying to come back to me when it's over.

I think I'll go get a haircut. My hair's getting way too long.


Feb. 15th, 2010 | 03:56 pm
mood: guilty guilty

I'm sitting here just staring at my computer screen, lost in my thoughts and world of regret. My mind is blank and after a month of feeling bliss, happiness and hope, I feel deceived, selfish and played. To make things worse, I went and did practically the same thing. I treated somebody I was suppose to love with reckless banter. How can someone not feel bad after hurting someone that way? I feel like the biggest idiot in the world right now and I'm so tired of making mistakes. With every mistake, there's drama and sadness. I'm sick of hurting like this. I'm sick of feeling so shitty. I'm sick of being so reckless with people's feelings.

I just need to back off for a while. For my own happiness and the happiness of others. I am a strong person. I can deal with this.